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Joke of the Day

"""911"" ""Hello, my wife was cooking and she fell"" ""What's the emergency?"" ""How long before the rice is ready?"""

"Why are carbon chains with two double bonds so sad? Because they're diene"

"So I was talking to this dolphin the other day. It was so gnar"

"Did you hear about the storm down at the docks last weekend? You didn't? It was breaking canoes."

"In case of a zombie apocalypse, I'm surrounding my house with treadmills."

"My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep."

"I saved a girl from getting raped today I stopped chasing her"

"I used to care... what people in the adjacent bathroom stalls thought of me, but now, I don't give a shit"

"So what do you guys think my odds are of getting hit by a car if I went out on my road bike right now? 4/20?"

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three Hos."