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Joke of the Day

"How can I go to sleep when this movie I've seen 70 times just started?"

"*hears crying* *finds baby in dumpster* *sees large box full of N64 games* *looks around* ""You didn't see anything, baby."" *takes box*"

"I tried to say no to the vodka but it was 40% stronger than me"

"I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull"

"How do you pleasure a capitalist? An invisible handjob."

"I'm studying Feminism at my university It basically covers different periods in history."

"If olive oil is made with squished up olives and nut oil is made with squished up nuts... What's baby oil made from?"

"2010: Didn't jog 2011: Didn't jog 2012: Didn't jog 2013: Didn't jog 2014: Haven't jogged ~ This is a running joke"

"The difference between me & normal people is the normal"

"What's the best part of an ISIS joke? The Execution. Hehe...get it? No? Fine I'll be-heading off now."