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Joke of the Day

"One of my co-workers just called the elevator a ""vator"". Anyways, long story short, this is my one phone call..."

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"Loads of people are lining up to buy my vampire teeth. Fang queue."
"Mam: ""Which book has............ Mam: ""Which book has helped you the most in your life?"" Student: ""My father's check book!"" :) Like if you agree............."
"I was thinking about becoming a Muslim, I met a guy online that told me I could get a free vest if I signed up."
"How high is a stoner sailor? Sea Level."
"When a relative asks me what I'm doing with my life, I tell more lies than a guy at a computer whose wife just asked him what he's doing."
"What do you call a fat, Italian-American ghost? A gabaGHOUL!!"
"I identify as an employee wherever I go. Now I can use any bathroom I need to."
"Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads"
"Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course."
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