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Joke of the Day

"Have you heard Neil Diamonds new Christmas song? I can't recall the lyrics but I remember it had a sweet carol line"

"Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I'm married to her and I don't even have a chance."

"I really want to see ""Constipation: The Movie"" but it hasn't come out yet."

"If you don't like your son, grab a football and tell him to go long. Never throw it. He's gone now."

"Christmas jokes needed I am about to MC a high school Christmas staff talent show and need your best Christmas or holiday jokes. This is happening in two hours."

"I don't play fantasy football, but I do play fantasy friendship. This week I'm starting Taylor Swift and Conan O'Brien."

"Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator... I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"Are you going to Scarborough Fair? No mate, sounds shit."

"[sees girl reading To Kill A Mockingbird] ""Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] kills all those frickin birds."""

"Why were the dinosaurs so big? Because Jurassic times call for Jurassic measures"