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Joke of the Day

"Teach a man to fish & you have fed him for a lifetime. Teach your kid to make a good martini & you won't give a crap about fish or men."

"When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what? We do."

"If you're in a bar and a newscaster says, ""Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene,"" don't shout, ""It was an action figure!"""

"Why did the blonde get excited after finishing her puzzle in 6 months? The box said 2-4 years!"

"Went to see the new "" pixels "" movie but The resolution was bad"

"Why did Yellow divorce Red? Because Red Blue Green"

"There's a new drug that prevents statutory rape It's called RU18."

"If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood."

"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around."

"My head says ""go to the gym"" but my heart says, ""stay on the internet forever and eat!"""