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Joke of the Day

"LION: Lions don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. SHEEP: Shaun thinks your mane looks ridiculous. LION: *upset* Shaun said that?"

"Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap."

"My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall. I said ""maybe"""

"A pony walks into a bar and in a soft and raspy voice says to the bartender, Gimme a beer. The bartender says, Sure buddy, sounds like you got a cough. The pony replies, I'm a little hoarse."

"How do you keep a hard on? Don't fuck with it."

"Still hope to be part of a wordless briefcase exchange someday."

"Last year my ex and I dressed as opposing political parties for Halloween... best hate sex we ever had."

"Kurt Cobain shot himself because he couldn't live with the guilt of drowning 18 babies to get 1 usable photo for an album cover."

"Things I hate: lists, Oxford commas, and irony."

"A fun thing to do is sit on the couch with black buttons over your eyes while your kids watch Coraline, then wait for them to notice."