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Joke of the Day

"LION: Lions don't lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. SHEEP: Shaun thinks your mane looks ridiculous. LION: *upset* Shaun said that?"

"""Don't get any ideas."" - Worn out light bulb"

"I dont mean to sound racist, but why is my baby black? *doctor sighs for like 3 mins* ""Sir, its an ultrasound"" *Seinfeld bass riff for days*"

"what has four wheels and flyz? A garbage truck.....ha ha ha"

"Based on my calculations I can retire about 5 years after I die."

"Wanted to tweet ""I'm hella tired"" but my phone keeps autocorrecting ""hella"" to ""REALLY? HELLA? YOU ARE A GROWN-ASS LADY, KNOCK IT OFF."""

"Q.How is a heart like a musician? A.They both have a beat :)"

"My dog is sleeping soundly now that I've removed myself from his king sized bed."

"THE HORROR! *splat THE TRAGEDY! *splat IT'S AWFUL! *splat SO MUCH BLOOD! *splat WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! *splat -It's raining men."

"Oh no, a subtweet. You got me."