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Joke of the Day

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and won a toaster."

"Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*"

"Why did the wizards wife have hickeys on her neck? Because he was a neck-romancer...."

"What's the difference between a Mexican and a park Bench? The bench can support a family."

"What type of fruit is not allowed to get married? Cantaloupe..."

"Lance Armstrong never had the balls to admit that he cheated."

"Our dishwasher works exceedingly well, as long as you only put clean dishes in it."

"What's the difference between a prostitute with diarrhoea and an epileptic oyster shucker? The oyster shucker shucks between fits."

"What do you call a nice guy with hemorrhoids? A stand up guy"

"When I masturbate at home... I'm at homecoming."