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Joke of the Day

"BILLY CORGAN: the world is a vampire ME: wouldn't it explode into flames as soon as the sun hit it then? BILLY: shut up *runs off crying*"

"Two cleaners had a massive fight in my office earlier. Hell of a dust up."

"If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The Swallow"

"What is the fiercest animal in the savanna? The *itseems*. Because the lion is not as fierce as it seems..."

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? You didn't, the brakes did. Cop: But do you know why? Cuz I pressed the pedal with my foot? Cop: Get out."

"If the police police police police, who polices the police police? Police police police police police police."

"Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today. Wife: We don't talk. Plus he is so literal. Me: My truck."

"I try to live each day like it's my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?"

"Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ? Santa Paws !"

"If you wear a Bluetooth phone piece in your ear, you can say ""You're an idiot"" to just about anyone you walk past."