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Joke of the Day

"When a woman suddenly shuts up, a man can hear the theme from Psycho discreetly playing in the background."

"Did you hear about the man who had his entire left side removed? You could say he is all right now"

"[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*"

"How do you get to Oktoberfest? Follow the lederhosen."

"I think my neighbor is stalking me... as I saw her googling my name on her computer last night.I saw it through my telescope."

"What does a pimp do when his garden needs tending? He grabs a hoe."

"What kind of dog can tell time? A clockshund!"

"Why are outdoor workers so in fit? Cause they work out."

"What is the difference between a priest and a pimple? A pimple waits until your 12 to come on your face"

"That moment when you're going to stalk someone and you end up stalking 5 more people because you need to understand the whole conversation."