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Joke of the Day
"The handicap parking at the special olympics must be insane"
Next Joke
"Feeling strange Mr. Bond? It's because I laced your Martini with a vaccine for Measles You now have Autism!"
"Knock-Knock Who's there? Meg White's most intricate beat."
"Being an asshole lowers people's expectations of you. (Except on Twitter, where assholes must continue to prove they are assholes)"
"What's an author's favorite drink? Tequila Mockingbird. (Yes I know it's horrible :P)"
"""Go left at the chopsticks in the road"" - Chinese directions"
"Found a site for hardcore Harambe Supporters It's called Omegle, Everyone has their dicks out for Harambe."
"20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar."
"Me: We spend a lot of time together. Her: Turn left. Me: Just think we should take this to the next level. Her: Arriving at destination."
"As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft."