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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a pair of sadomasochists who break up as soon as the going gets tough? Fair leather friends"

"He: So then, what's your sign? She: Dollar. "

"Waiter there's a fly in my soup! Couldn't be sir. The cook used them all in the raisin bread."

"Shark Who Attacked Surfer: ""I Was Just Trying To Impress My Girlfriend"""

"Babies and Gin I like my babies like I like my martinis. Shaken."

"Today I sent out a text saying, ""Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?"" 12 people called me...I need damn smarter friends."

"*looking under hood of car* ""Well there's your problem"" *removes cardboard box with engine drawn on it*"

"I'm married, but not ""pass up the opportunity to sleep with Thor"" married. Or Wolverine. Or Captain America. Or Jennifer Aniston..."

"Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right."

"TIL that my chemistry professor is a zoophile I walked in on him while he was in his lab"