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Joke of the Day

"ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before. INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again."

"If I hear another conversation about that stupid dress... I'm going to beat them until they're white and gold."

"I heard Mexicans are pretty good at boxing Strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, tomatoes."

"So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye... It would have worked out, but I discovered she was seeing someone on the side"

"[date gets back from the bathroom] those batman toys in the tub are so cute! How old are your kids? ""kids?"""

"NSFW A guy steps into an elevator with a young woman... He says, ""can I smell your feet?"" ""No!"" She replies. ""It must be your pussy."""

"What do you call an elephant on drugs? Tranquilized."

"Your mom is like Reddit always under a heavy load"

"My love life is like Santa Claus. It exists thanks to gullible six year olds"

"The letter n always has to be the centre of attention."