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Joke of the Day

"Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher? Me opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off: I can't, there's been an accident."

"What is a pirate's favorite pokemon? Arrrriados"

"There are 10 types of men... Half of them understand binary, half of them don't."

"What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley."

"Sorry babe, you knew you were dating a bad boy [shuffles Pokemon cards without the plastic covers]"

"What kind of bees produce milk? Boo-bees !"

"If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie."

"Why did Adele cross the road? So she could sing 'Hello from the other side'!"

"Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving."

"Our children are our future. Unless they invent a method for time travel, then they're also our past."