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Joke of the Day
"What is the Highest Proof of Tequila? Juan Fifty Juan"
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"My first wife died from eating poison mushrooms; my second wife died of a fractured skull... She wouldn't eat her mushrooms."
"The real reason Darth Vader cut off Luke's hand was because he touched the thermostat"
"Why did Constantinople fall? Itstumbled."
"Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, ""Do my children just spit directly at their face when brushing their teeth?"""
"What do you call a paraplegic with an incurable STD? Roll-aids."
"4 out of 5 dentists agree: Dentist #5 is a real asshole."
"[Clinic waiting room] Me: WHEN DO WE DO BUTT STUFF??! Nurse: Sir don't shout that! Me: [whispering to old lady next to me] butt stuff. when?"
"A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Where'd you get the pig."" The woman says, ""That's not a pig, that's a duck."" He says, ""I was talking to the duck."""
"Two antennae had a wedding... It was alright, but the reception was amazing."