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Joke of the Day

"I wanna live to be so old that my first thought every day when I wake up is ""shit, still here""."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank coffee before it was cool"

"Today I learned the Nazis were instrumental in the creation of Tang and other powdered fruit drinks But it didn't get far since Hitler hated the juice."

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then I saw her arguing with him about money. Now I see Santa drinking by himself."

"[guy jokingly refers to america as 'murica, everyone starts applauding; I basically hork up a damn lung from laughing my shit off so hard]"

"What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office? An encownter group."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Aye yee think it be arrrrr, but it be the seaa"

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop?"

"if you ask an undercover cop what the hills are alive with, he legally has to say ""the sound of music"" or else it's von trappment"

"What do you call smart boobs? Scientits"