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Joke of the Day
"What do Lewinsky, Monroe, and Reddit have in common? They all went down on a President."
Next Joke
"Poor People Matirx *Neo: There is no spoon.* **BUT IS THERE FOOD?**"
"Anyone who has to spend more than 2 mins at an ATM is obvilously sending a text to Optimus Prime"
"What do you feed someone in a coma from breakfast? Coma-toast."
"Why did the bear eat his own arms? They were made of honey."
"Its cool to pee into blue toilet water and watch it turn a different color... just not when it turns purple"
"[first date] Her: know what you're getting yet? Me: a burger and one of those coloring menus. Her: oh, you have a kid at home? Me: no."
"i just bought a rape whistle... and the look on my victims faces is priceless."
"Facebook: losing friends. Twitter: gaining friends Instagram: gaining weight"
"During sex it's perfectly fine to say 'yeah', 'yes', 'oh yes'..but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming 'Yep' .."