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Joke of the Day

"Oh, I see. ""Adam and Steve"" is gay, but ""Adam dates his own rib"" is perfectly acceptable."

"I don't know why people call me arrogant I'm the most humble guy in the world"

"Looking at you is getting my dick harder than Chuck Norris"

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange? One is wrinkly, sour, and orange. The other gets picked by Mexicans."

"[GF comes home to find our son alone] Where are you? I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: [soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice] I AM"

"- I'm your son's teacher and I'm calling to tell you that he may be a compulsive liar. - And a damn good one. I don't have any sons."

"Why hasn't the Rastafarian gone to see the barber? He's dreading it."

"The Venn diagram of ""stuff I was supposed to do today"" and ""stuff I did today"" is two separate circles and the second one is a pizza"

"if 9-5 is a full time job, and 11/4 is a part time job, what's 9-11? An inside job."

"Why'd the crazy guy jump out of the hot air balloon's basket? He wanted to escape from the ballooney bin."