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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] Me: [putting my jacket over my dates shoulders] Her: ""Thank you but I'm not cold"" Me: [covering her awful dress] ""Yes you are"""

"Bee jokes, courtesy of my niece (age 8). What did the bee use to dry off after swimming? A *bee*ch towel. What did the bee use to get out the tangles? A honeycomb."

"Donald Trump had a great inauguration speech It sounds like he Putin a lot of practice"

"What's 6"" long, bent to the left, and in the front of my pants?? My iPhone 6."

"Why were there only 3 thousand Mexicans at the Alamo They could only find three minivans"

"Donald Trump walks into a mexican resturant jk. he doesn't..."

"Constipated people just don't give a shit."

"Just cleaned out my desk. Bad news: I apparently have 1,453 Sharpies and none of them are sharp. Good news: I found the plane!"

"Where can you buy a 3 headed flying purple camel with 74 noses? Ebay."

"Did you ever blow bubbles as a kid? Well, he's back in town and wants your number"