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Joke of the Day

"If a tree falls down in the woods... But nobody is around to hear it. Does a hipster still buy the album?"

"I walk the walk. I talk the talk. But mostly I sit the sit."

"Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion? CrossFit"

"How did the swordsman annoy r/jokes? He feinted. (Sorry)"

"""Get off the phone"" ""Wash your hands"" ""Pull up your pants"" ""Make me dinner"" My son runs a pretty tight ship in our household"

"5 minutes into America's Got Talent and I learned we don't have talent, we have a bunch of delusional idiots that don't want real jobs."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It might take a while for me to get hard. I just got laid."

"Kids are like smoking cigarettes. I love them for about 5 minutes a day, until I realize that they are slowly killing me. Jim Jefferies"

"What is a castrated male's favorite operating system? Unix."

"You can learn a lot about your kids by helping them with their homework for example, mine are idiots."