187076

Joke of the Day

"Been trying to pair my new phone with the Bluetooth in the car and I think it's easier to get pandas to mate."

"""you should be more serious, sir. this is arson."" ""no this is MY son!"" *tousles his hair* ""ha ha ha. so how many houses did the rascal burn"""

"You've seen those mobile trucks for grooming pets, I just saw a mobile barbershop truck for humans and thought... I wonder if a dog drives that?"

"How do you feed a skyscraper? ""Here comes the aeroplane!"""

"How to get Laid: Lay in bed. Wait two hours. Lay becomes past tense."

"What do you call a fly with no wings a walk"

"If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I'm afraid of intimacy"

"Hey girls: FYI, if you tilt the camera up just a wee bit higher you can actually get your face in the picture."

"England's gonna have a rude awakening when they go to war and all their knights are actors and musicians."

"Using Romeo & Juliet to express how inlove you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is."