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Joke of the Day

"Told my husband the best way to get help at Home Depot is to wear yoga pants, but I dunno. It doesn't seem to work as well for him."

"What did the dolphin king say at the funeral of his faithful servant? You have served your porpoise."

"If it wasn't for my incredible willpower, I would be exercising right now."

"Did you hear about the prize-winning author that got a chicken in the mail? It was a pullet surprise!"

"So when I went to buy my new phone, the Extravert, I asked if there was an Introvert... and they handed me a book."

"Where do some popes get their vestments? Urban Outfitters"

"*drives Toyota Corolla into Mordor* ""See, nobody suspected a thing"""

"Don't believe people who say they are constipated. They're full of shit."

"Darth Vader is not that bad... he is the first black guy to admit he is the father."

"So a guy comes into my bar for a beer... I give it to him and he says, ""Hey! There's a fly in this!"" Embarrassed I look and say, ""Oh no, that's just Gnatty Lite."""