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Joke of the Day

"Just found out Fox News's website has a Science section, which I assume links to a video of Sean Hannity screaming at a biology textbook."

"How do you say nachos in English? Mine."

"They say they're free weights, but the gym gets pissed if you put them in your car and leave."

"We had to put my horse down. After he escaped from the barn, the veterinarian said he was too unstable."

"I spilled spot remover on my dog... ... He's gone now (credit to Steven Wright)"

"1st thing I do when I take a girl back to my bedroom is act like a stewardess & instruct her where exits are, oxygen masks, & life jackets."

"What is a male widow called? single"

"I got athlete's foot... I don't even work out, so I was flattered."

"Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day. Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns. Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins. Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns."

"Why did the scarecrow get a nobel peace prize? Because he was *outstanding* in his field."