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Joke of the Day

"The guys who measure out the granite so it fits nicely in your kitchen were prob mad when they found out the term counterfeiters was taken"

"COLLEGE MEMORIES: After the girl I was kissing used my bathroom, I noticed my toilet seat was left up. So I asked if I could suck her dong."

"I used to be schizophrenic. But we're OK now."

"Girlfriend Parents: so how did you meet our daughter? Me: we met at a nickelback conc- Gf: [covers my mouth] we met on tinder"

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? (x-post from /r/adviceanimals) Because if they had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!"

"What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his arse"

"Kim Jong Un called me an asshole. I retorted back that he doesn't have an asshole, which is why he is so full of shit."

"Worried that Adele's next album might be delayed if she discovers Pinterest."

"Regretting the compliment... A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, ""Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?"" He says, ""Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"""

"""Does this uniform make me look fat?"" Asked the insecurity guard."