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Joke of the Day

"I was going to post a joke about radical Islam... but I feel that would be self-destructive"

"If ever you feel unlucky you are. the world is 4.6 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as Donald Trump."

"Seeing as you guys are liking these at the moment, What's the difference between a goldfish and a goat? One mucks around in fountains."

"When kids don't want to take a nap, can they be charged with resisting a rest?"

"*at casino* When he hands you $100 and asks you to go get chips, do not ask him Doritos or Lays. Get both. It will leave him speechless."

"My father died recently and I came into a bunch of money. I decided to buy a car and pay cash... and the man at the dealership asked me, ""Why are all these bills so sticky?!"""

"Did you hear about the Facebook crash? It took a tumbl!"

"Why was Georg Ohm such a badass rockstar? Because he knew a squared amp and resistance gave you power"

"My brother and I ran out of protein powder. I turned to him and said, ""no whey....."" (true story)"

"Oedipus? I hate that motherfucker"