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Joke of the Day

"I once made a horse laugh and cry. (NSFW) I told the horse I had a bigger cock. He bursted out laughing. I showed him, he cried."

"Son: Mom, when I will grow up enough to get out of the house without asking you? Mom: Son, your dad has not grown up as much yet."

"Sometimes when my gf is asleep, I like to sneak into the living room, put on her dress, and pretend I wear the pants in this relationship."

"4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths."

"A preschooler refused to sleep during naptime... He was charged with resisting a rest"

"Why doesn't Santa Claus have children? He cums down the chimney."

"Hired a gardener today and gave him a list of things to do. When I got back home he'd only done tasks 1,3 & 5. Turns out he's an odd job man."

"Do you know the official psychiatric term for when a woman keeps getting more and more cats? It's called an Add-A-Puss Complex."

"Of course divorce is expensive. The price of freedom has always been high."

"[diary, day 3642 on deserted island] How can I still be fat?"