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Joke of the Day

"Hired a gardener today and gave him a list of things to do. When I got back home he'd only done tasks 1,3 & 5. Turns out he's an odd job man."

"Special thanks to my dictionary for explaining the definition of ""many"" It means a lot."

"""I'll have a cheeseburger with a large coke,"" The blonde girl requested. ""Excuse me miss, this is a library."" ^^""I'll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke,"" she whispered."

"What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced."

"What did Christian Grey say to Anastasia before they sex for the first time? Don't worry, I'll show you the ropes."

"I had mostly good days in school until.... PrinciPao was hired. Now it just feels like I'm being told what I can and cannot do."

"A redhead tells her blonde sister ""I slept with a Brazilian""... The blonde says ""OMG! you slut! How many is a brazilian?"""

"What's the difference between a guy with a vasectomy and a guy without a vasectomy? There's a vas deferens."

"I like how McDonalds mixes the napkins in the to-go bag with the greasy food, so that even when I'm wiping my mouth I can get fatter."

"How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line."