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Joke of the Day

"I want to get married just so I can throw my wedding ring in anger. I bet it's a lot cooler than aggressively untying a friendship bracelet."

"Charm me with your beauty and intelligence or just wait till I'm really drunk."

"A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, ""Do you share the same blood group?"" The husband replies, ""We must by now. She's been sucking my blood for years."

"Did you hear about the DJ who bought a cheap pair of photochromic lenses? He had shitty transitions."

"A couple of Irishmen are walking down a country road . . . They see a sign that says ""Tree Fellers wanted"". One of them turns to the other and says, ""Dammit. Too bad there's only two of us."""

"So a guy is eating a steak dinner at a restaurant... ...when the waitress comes over and asked the man ""How did you find the steak, sir?"" The man looks at her and says ""I just moved the potatoes."""

"""Blown out of all proportion"" ... .. is a cliche you don't see every day of the week."

"Do you know why there are no jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? The punchline is too long."

"Men, of course we need you. Because, jars."

"My 7 year old son told me ""You're the most beautiful mommy ever!"" I asked him what he did and where's he hiding it."