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Joke of the Day

"My 7 year old son told me ""You're the most beautiful mommy ever!"" I asked him what he did and where's he hiding it."

"What do you call a T-Rex that's been weightlifting all day? Dino-sore"

"It's sad that we live in a world where we'll add a word to the dictionary if stupid people use it enough."

"5yo: *smells glue stick* Me: DON'T BE SMELLING THAT!! 5yo: it smells like strawberries! Me: give me that...*smells glue stick*"

"For fathers day, I bought my dad a $100 gift card to the Apple Store... He said ""Thanks for the phone charger, son."""

"Can you cover for me/ I missed my shift."

"Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?"

"Her: If I get fat will you break up with me? Me: No but you're now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden."

"Invisible man goes to the doctor. Doctor says ""I can't see you right now."" -Christ Novacelic, Reading 1992"

"A boy and a gorilla walk into a bar... The boy says ""first shot's on me"" The gorilla replies ""nah, I got this"""