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Joke of the Day

"[pick-up line] Your like perfect ionizing energy to my electrons ... You really make me excited"

"What's the best thing about oral sex? The 5 minutes of peace and quiet!"

"Working with cops as a none cop has its benefits. I always get to say the same joke and always get a laugh. ""Do i smell Bacon!"" i love cops... ill show myself out."

"""My Ex is amazing in all ways. My Ex is smarter, more successful, and more attractive than I am."" - bumper sticker I put on my Ex's car"

"A businessman comes into work distraught, wearing a bloody suit.NSFW A coworker asks him, ""What happened to your tie?"" He responds, ""I had to kill that whore because she had a freaking dick."""

"DM: I'm 10 inches. Wanna chat? Me: omg guys, a fetus just messaged me!!"

"Why did the console peasant cross the road? To render the other side."

"Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel."

"AMA Request Floyd Mayweather never mind, it would take him a year to finish the first comment."

"My friend's mouth and tongue were blistering and burning after eating tacos last night... serves him right! I told him not to eat Mexican."