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Joke of the Day

"My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets. ""No bet,"" he said. ""The steaks are too high."""

"What do you get from a cow on the North Pole? Cold cream!"

"What do you call it when you spill meth into your cake mix? Baking Bad"

"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on Suicide The Librarian says: Fuck off, You wont bring it back."

"I heard they're selling heart-burns that only take two minutes to cook now! I think they were called, Hot-pockets?"

"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way."

"[interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] ""are you shy now"" not really"

"[Snake family queueing to get on the train] [They spot Samuel L Jackson already on board] SNAKE DAD: Not this shit again."

"I like my women how I like my showers... Cold, crying and alone."

"What's the difference between Pastor Maldonado and a bus driver? One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1."