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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the Mexican that was shot on the golf course? There was a hole in Juan."

"I always wear a helmet during intercourse cause I'm a firm believer in safe sex. Doesn't help much against the STD's but it sure is effective against the pepper-spray."

"What do you call electricity still flowing today? Current."

"If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me."

"My Birthday For my birthday I asked for a bicycle, an action man, and a vibrating butt plug... I never got that bike."

"I got a restraining order from the Costco bagel sample lady."

"What do you do when you see your wife stumbling around in the backyard? Shoot her again."

"I asked one of my sumo-wrestling friends whether he wanted some sushi for dinner He just replied ""No thanks, I'm not a big Japanese guy"""

"I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar... If he was a Polar bear"

"Gremlins(1984): a shopkeeper with a creature so powerful it could destroy all human life gives it to a 12yo boy. Many lives are lost.(PG13)"