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Joke of the Day

"I went to the doctor today. He told me I was fat. I said I wanted a second opinion. He says, Okay, you're ugly."

"""I'll put this somewhere I won't lose it."" (I'll hide it somewhere I'll never see it again.)"

"I'm 5'3. I may be short but I have a HUGE personality....disorder."

"joe: siri address me as poopyhead siri: okay poopyhead *obama enters* barack: joe have you seen my phone? joe: yep here *runs away giggling*"

"How can you make your d bigger? CAPS LOCK"

"Local store is having a MLK day sale Everything is 2/5ths off"

"I met a dwarf the other day He was a pretty down to earth guy."

"My favorite part about Black Friday is the part where I go to the mall, find a great parking spot & sit in my car with the reverse lights on"

"U2 sent their new album to every Apple device through the Cloud. I hear if you play the first song backwards you hear Bono saying ""Please buy our albums again. We're desperate."""

"Your mama is so fat... If she falls she drops harder than Skrilex..."