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Joke of the Day

"U2 sent their new album to every Apple device through the Cloud. I hear if you play the first song backwards you hear Bono saying ""Please buy our albums again. We're desperate."""

"Why do hot dogs come in packs of 8 but my dad left us when I was 6?"

"What do you call a number that can't keep still? A roamin' numeral"

"Our Faults ""Once a friend of mine and I agreed that it would be helpful for each of us to tell the other all our faults"" ""How did it work ?"" ""We haven't spoken for five years""."

"You've got penis [Cast: a man and a woman.] Woman/man: [bump into each other.] Woman: You've got penis in my vagina. Man: You've got vagina in my penis woman/man: [moan]"

"I bought some Greek yogurt today It started asking all of the other food in my fridge for money"

"There's nothing worse than child abuse but a close second is when someone describes an actor's performance as ""courageous."""

"elephants are scared of mice they're like 100x their size, stupid massive wimps [a wasp flies in my car and i completely drive off a bridge]"

"How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses."

"It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...."