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Joke of the Day

"If the only way you say ""Happy Birthday"" to someone is via their Facebook wall, they're not your friend."

"I decorate for Halloween by opening my bedroom curtains as I walk around naked. Pretty scary stuff for my neighbors."

"Everything is made in China Except babies. They're made in va-chinas"

"Give me five hundred good reasons you think I'm too demanding."

"First person ever: I HAVE SEVERAL HOLES IN MY FACE WHAT IS HAPPENING"

"Ten words, two commas, a punctuation mark and a full stop all appeared in court yesterday. They're due to be sentenced next week."

"Sit-ups are no fun, sharpie abs are definitely the way to go if you want permanent results."

"I met a ninja and asked if he could throw those pointy stars that ninjas have. He said, ""shuriken."""

"Well at least Trump and I have one thing in common.. ..we both think his daughter is hot."

"When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ? He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !"