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Joke of the Day

"I'm so dependent on the google ""did you mean ____?"" that i barely bother to spell anything even remotely correctly"

"My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: ""You ruined your pants."" Veteran dad: ""Thank God. I thought it was poop."""

"Why is that Bono still hasn't found what he's looking for? Because he's always standing by The Edge."

"Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says ""why the long face?"" The horse says ""that's offensive asshole!"" -The one and only OG Nipple"

"2 guys walking down the road... they see a dog, licking its junk. ""I wish I could do that."" ""Uhhh....you might want to try petting him first."""

"If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you."

"So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird... ...Imagine Dragons."

"Why couldn't the amputee rob the bank... Because he was unarmed"

"I hear cancer is hard to beat No one got past stage 4."

"Always identify who to blame in an emergency."