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Joke of the Day

"*pretends to throw a ball and my dog chases after it* haha idiot *checks email* holy shit i won a million dollars??"

"I never knew much about people Until I took one apart, just to see how it works."

"Stop tweeting about what real women are and are not. You're going to blow my secret that I'm a lizard creature zipped into a woman suit"

"Failed a urine test... took a shit :("

"My first job in retail taught me that the customer is always right. Until they're out of earshot."

"Sinbad isn't just a comedian's name - it's also an extremely short summary of The Bible"

"Ur mama is so fat, she had to be baptized at sea world."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bond ! Bond who ? Bond to succeed !"

"Donald Trump..."

"Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? They got six months each."