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Joke of the Day

"Teenage Jesus: Hey dad, why you wearing that crucifix? God: It's an idea I have for a public holiday. TJ: Huh? G: It's complicated."

"Girl finds out that she's pregnant... And goes to tell her mum about it. Her mum asks; ""Have you had a check-up?"" Girl says; ""No, he was Polish"""

"Did you know Danny Welbeck's dad was a bomb disposal expert. His name was Stan Welbeck."

"Why did Adele cross the road? So I could hit her with my car and shut everyone up."

"They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it."

"I slipped on some black ice yesterday... I thought it was regular ice until I realized my wallet was gone."

"Why is Jesus Christ gay? Because he was nailed by guys."

"*ding* This is your captain speaking. We... Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We're out of fuel."

"'I've been a very naughty girl!' she said, licking her lips, 'I need to be punished . . .' So he invited his mother to stay for Christmas."

"Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug."