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Joke of the Day

"What should be done in case of apparent drowning? Take the parent out of the water"

"Couples who have been married for a long time start finishing off each other's sentences. The most popular being ""Shut up""."

"[boardroom] ""Now hear me out. They're Teenage.."" Ok ""Mutant.."" I like where this is going ""Ninja.."" Noun me, Graham! ""Turtles"" You're fired"

"The doctor gave me 2 months to live I'll spend them making people think I'm reposting."

"I wish my marks would smoke weed So it'd get high"

"Neeeeeeeooooowwwwwwwwwww What do we want? Race car noises! When do we want them? Neeeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwwww"

"I work as a product designer for a condom company. This annoying frog keeps advising me on my designs. ""Rib it! Rib it!"""

"I feel that it's time to pick the kids up from school..so I'm going to lie down here for a while and wait for that feeling to pass"

"TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays."

"I like how all these people are acting like they've never seen a naked 37 year old man fight 3 security guards at a mall food court before."