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Joke of the Day

"If u had Hitler & a guy who doesnt mute the keyboard on his iPhone in a room & could only kill one, would u give Hitler the dead guys phone?"

"I got arrested at the airport last week. Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane."

"What does a pig use to write his term papers with? Pen and Oink!"

"Why don't atheists use exponents? Because they don't believe in higher powers."

"If the opposite of pro is con, what's the opposite of progress? The Republican party."

"DOG: [looking out the window] wat a beautiful mornimg! the sky is grey, the grass is grey, the birds are grey and readey to eat,"

"Do you know what happened in the bathroom? Me either, but I heard a lot of shit going down."

"Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second."

"the new ghostbusters r all womans?? seriuosoly. all womans?, this is the most unrealistic thing about the movie about peopel who bust ghosts"

"Where do suicide bombers go when they die.....? ......EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!"