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Joke of the Day

"Trump. Ba Dum Tssss."

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"So some Mexican lady named Patricia listened to the new Adele and cried so much she's flooding Mexico"
"It's actually pretty convenient the Alan Rickman died so soon after David Bowie. You can just move your lightning bolt up a few inches for the funeral and fit right in."
"If someone finds a corpse, in the river off 4th St., in a blue suitcase, it wasn't me."
"Hungry A man asks a hungry man what makes 2+2 Hungry : 4 loaves"
"Having kids is like getting a stupid tattoo... It takes most people a couple years to realize how bad they fucked up."
"If I ever get a llama, I'm totally naming it Dalai."
"My first time having sex... ...was fucking shit."
"My wife and I have a new arrangement. I can sleep with any woman I want, but she doesn't speak to me or live with me anymore."
"*has no girlfriend or kids* *gives out dating and parenting advice*"