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Joke of the Day

"I went to the Middle East with some marijuana... ... and I got stoned! ###AMIRITE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!^imsosorry"

"Hangry A state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation: feed me or i'll cut you"

"[toddler saves Michael Cera from drowning]"

"My friend told me I sounded pretentious in my essay I don't get it: I don't think I sound ostentatious."

"A mexican is on your front lawn bleeding out and calling for help. what do you do? Reload."

"It's hard to stay mad at Kanye when you remember he once threatened to move to Oklahoma and live at his aunt's house"

"Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap chewed off three legs and was still stuck."

"I'm so proud of myself, it took me only six months to finish my latest jigsaw puzzle... ...the box said 2-4 years!"

"My phone never asks me to put my husband down."

"""GENTLEMEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH TROY AND WE MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD FOR ANYTHING"" ""sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"" ""Oh rad, bring it in"""