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Joke of the Day

"Incognito mode on google chrome is useless.. Everyone in the library can still see me wanking"

"I'm not saying your girlfriend is a whore I'm just saying she's under more sheets than the KKK."

"Q: What do modern artists eat for breakfast? A: Surreal."

"How does an elephant climb a tree? He hides in an acorn and waits for a bird to carry him up."

"""haha this costume party is great"" ""sir PLEASE get off the table"" ""cool librarian costume"" *sprays silly string* ""hey dude nice police costu"

"When you sit next to a talker at the movies you're allowed to hit them in the face and move seats. It's in the ticket fine print."

"What do you call a Mexican who lost his car? Carlos"

"Been reading about instinctive behaviors. Apparently, my natural reaction to seeing an attractive woman is a Fixed Action Pattern (in short, FAP)."

"[During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!"

"My brother forgot his apple today. Until he was rear-ended by a doctor."