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Joke of the Day

"I'm just looking for a woman who is smart, funny & can drive a getaway car tomorrow morning at 8"

"What have the films 'Titanic' and 'The Sixth Sense' got in common? Icy dead people."

"Q: What did the writing utensil take for his high sugar level? A: Pencil-in."

"I just had to fire my Korean housekeeper... ...She kept trying to wok the dog."

"what did the hat say to the other hat? ""you go on ahead."" I'd like to thank Twitternation, Steve Wozniak, Adam Schefter, @MattGroening and anyone else who helped me achieve this great feat!"

"Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!"

"A Cannibals's Dinner Party If a cannibal is throwing a dinner party, don't show up late. Otherwise you'll get the cold shoulder."

"What's the difference between toilet paper and a knife? Oh, you don't know? I won't ask you to wipe my bum then."

"Personal Trainer: No pain, no gain Me: Deal"

"I'm an archaeologist... My life is in ruins."