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Joke of the Day

"I ran three miles today! Finally I said, ""Lady, take your purse."""

"knife on a date When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"My wife wants to have a kid... I bought her a goldfish and told her to wait a few million years."

"There's no easy way to say this... FJdnfiouadp, djfpiocu aneouidf, acnslikfiucukuokjpqukd. Diuoiufpqknddiolololdiodoodlioaidoiucnbnzquznd. Qudfiout'z'ndfjoikcugh."

"At this point, History Channel, you might as well just take that final step and change your name to Speculation Television."

"It's funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you're hot. -everyone on Twitter"

"Interested in: ( ) men ( ) women (X) food"

"Joke my friends told me. So I asked this Jewish girl for her number. She rolled up her sleeve"

"I think I just passed a Pussy Willow. I couldn't see clearly because there was a big bush in front of it."

"I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events."