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Joke of the Day

"santa claus visits everyone Q: What did Santa Clause say when he came down Lindsay Lohan's chimney and found her spending Christmas Eve with her pals Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton? A: Ho, ho, ho!"

"I walked up to a girl and said, ""Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."" ""Erm...what?"" she asked. I said, ""I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."""

"20/20 asking Bobby Brown about his having sex with a ghost... "" What?! No, I'm sorry - I said it was a goat! """

"I think my dog goes out at night to drink with her doggie friends. At least she can't drive because that would be ridiculous."

"3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin."

"""Say ur a bad girl"" I'm a bad girl ""oooh yeah, and tell me what bad girls do..."" ooh i'm gonna sign up for 3 months of yoga and only go twice"

"No matter how bored I get, I'll never be bored enough to go back and read through all the greeting cards I've saved over the years."

"Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress."

"Why don't the Amish waterski? The horses would drown. Ba-dum TISH"

"I don't think the church is going to let me pick music for the bible group again. In my defense, the band name ""Lamb of God"" is misleading."