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Joke of the Day

"Calm down 'Fitbit' joggers. I can drink one 5-Hour Energy and reach my target heart rate without even getting off my couch"

"Dogs that don't bark are the most dangerous of all They're woofless"

"Had trouble sleeping today. They added a trumpeter to this morning's church service."

"Lawyer Joke You know it was a cold day in Washington when you see lawyers walking around with their hands in their own pockets."

"What is a pedophile's favorite type of shoes? White Vans"

"What do you call a computer that is running slow? Restarted."

"A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work."

"Every night Owen Wilson secretly prays tomorrow will be the day his son breaks his nose for the first time."

"I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar... If he was a Polar bear"

"Watching my mother-in-law order at Starbucks is like watching a drunk gorilla try to start a car with a french fry."