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Joke of the Day

"Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn't mean I'm getting old, right? Means I'm turning into a werewolf! Right?"

"My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if."

"Q: How do you get a blonde off of your knees? A: Come."

"My Grandfathers dying words to me were, ""Are you still holding the ladder?""."

"The police and a hole. There is a sinkhole in the street and the police are looking into it. Oh yeah, Jerry fell in from looking to closely."

"PARENTS: When someone offers you drugs, you say no! ME (going out into the world): I'm ready [literally no one offers me drugs ever]"

"I thought it was you A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, ""You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"""

"The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting Then it brought me down"

"Damn girl, are you an old ATM touchscreen? 'Cause I'm pushing ALL the wrong buttons."

"Yo mama is so black when she went outside the street lights turned on!"