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Joke of the Day

"children are cool because they're the perfect height for me to fart directly into their mouths without having to really exert myself"

"I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!"

"Why does Wally (Waldo) always wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted! I'll let myself out."

"They told me to bring an exotic animal I said alpaca Llama They asked if that was a hybrid"

"Keeping a blood capsule in my mouth for the next guy who tells me to smile."

"Someone asked me to stop singing wonderwall I said maybe"

"Did you hear about the stupid snake? He lost his skin."

"Two fish are in a tank... Two fish are in a tank... First one says: I'll drive! Second one says: ""I'll man the guns!"""

"When someone starts making fun of my air guitar skills I just whip out my finger pistols and it usually shuts them right up."

"Vin Diesel's full name is Vintage Dieselengine."