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Joke of the Day

"It's all fun and games until you accidently grab the hand sanitizer instead of the lube."

"As a parent I often wonder if there's anything I could've done differently to prevent the jealousy between my twins Lisa & Hog Face."

"What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'"

"If wine is considered the blood of Jesus, I don't blame those romans for killing him. That shit is delicious"

"Few Saturdays I switch off the light and stay the whole night in darkness So that the neighbors might think that I've an active social life..."

"""Oh my god! That guy's dead! Oh wait, he's totally fine."" (someone watching soccer for the first time)"

"Alan Rickman has passed away. He was going through a bad spell."

"What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don't even know what I'm doing with the rest of this tweet..."

"I got the lyrics wrong and partied like it's 1599. Now my kitchen smells like roast peacock and I can't get this horse off my couch"

"I have a bad feeling I'll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way."