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Joke of the Day

"A third grader opens the door and yells to his mom. ""Mom! Today I found out I have a bigger penis than all the other kids!"" ""That's because you're 23, Tyrone."""

"I just went to an emotional wedding. even the cake was in tiers."

"What do you call someone that likes to show off her ovaries? An eggshibitionist"

"Who is this Rorschach guy??? And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting? -Rob DenBleyker"

"What do you get when you cross a bell with a bee? A humdinger."

"Did you hear that the Apple CEO announced he was gay? The next day the Samsung CEO also announced he was gay and waterproof."

"Things I'm never going to do: - Give you up - Let you down - Run around - Desert you - Make you cry - Say goodbye - Tell a lie - Hurt you"

"JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn't work out as you hoped ME: Well I got two English degrees"

"I'm starting to think my wife is only having sex with me to improve her FitBit stats."

"Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject... Someone called out ""The Queen!"" ""Ah"", replied Wilde, ""but the Queen is not a subject."""